Cheryl Cole gives birth to an 18-year-old boy

Celebrities' special powers, I thought, extended to to Kim Woodburn's ability to digest pulped cockroaches and mealworms.

But I was wrong. Cheryl Cole has usurped Woodburn by spawning a male son thanks to the magic of immaculate conception.

Because he has no father, 18-year-old X Factor winner Joe McElderry has inherited all of his mother's features, including face, place of birth, regional accent and singing voice.

Oh, and free flights to Los Angeles, expensive fashion taste and victory in an ITV Saturday night talent show/karaoke competition.