How Thierry Henry and Tiger Woods saved the world

If I was Roger Federer (and if it wasn't for the eyebrows, I could be), I'd watch out. A curse that began in ad land has beset the real world.

Thierry Henry was the first to succumb to its power. A mild-mannered, highly-respected, definitely-not-a-cheat footballer sent France through to the World Cup Finals by setting up a goal with his hand.

Celebrity chefs

I'm not really sure about the role of celebrity chefs - there didn't seem to be that many around five years ago; now they're everywhere.

Do they exist to teach us how to cook and encourage us to be more adventurous in the kitchen? Or to make us watch in awe and get on the waiting list for their restaurants, safe in the knowledge that we can never be as good as them because we can't afford livestock and don't know where to source Szechuan peppercorns. Or what sauce to put them in.

Ghost Forest

Pop down to Trafalgar Square and you'll notice a number of rainforest tree stumps resting about the place.

These represent Angela Palmer's Ghost Forest, an art project designed to raise awareness of climate change.

I've got love in my tummy

They're the best thing about weekends, as far as I'm concerned. A disgustingly unhealthy fry-up on a Saturday morning, washed down by a cup of tea. It's my reward for a week of being overworked and underpaid. I never make one, oh no, I go to a cafe and pay for one. It's the only way.

I've been worried about the prospect of abandoning the magic of Step In Cafe - which does the best breakfast in the East End - having moved away from Bow.

Captain Arthur

Today is Armistice Day, which marks the 91st anniversary of the end of hostilities on the Western Front between the Allies and Germany.

I fell silent for two minutes to think about Captain Arthur Dermot William Woollett, my great-grandfather.

Bus stops threaten your masculinity

At least, as of now they do. How is this supposed to make you feel? This ad was put up in November for crying out loud. No-one walks around in red y-fronts, especially not in freezing rain.

Decide for yourself what this man was feeling. Somewhere between borderline jealousy and hatred for metrosexuality, no doubt.

Sex line love

The above is what happens when the man on the street falls in love with the unobtainable sex line girl.