Atomic kittens

Smudge, Flo, Alby and that other one who used to cower behind the sofa whose name escapes me - four little bundles of joy gone from my life forever, but never to be forgotten.

What the hell am I on about? Well, seeing as you asked so nicely, I'm referring to four vulnerable balls of fluff with legs, claws and fully-functional teeny weeny digestive systems that I found down the side of my bed in April.

Me and my very good friend Lee 'Scratch' Perry

They say you should never meet your heroes - that they won't live up to expectations, that you'll be disappointed. I don't have a clue who 'they' are, but their heroes clearly don't walk around sporting a bright red beard and a gold hat with shiny little mirrors on.

For that is the chosen style of Lee 'Scratch' Perry, a 76-year-old Jamaican music producer, reggae pioneer and one of my heroes. Through his Black Ark Studio in Kingston, Jamaica, Perry produced - in his typically lavish, eccentric style - material from Bob Marley & the Wailers, The Congos, Junior Murvin and Augustus Pablo.

O2's Twitter team make people laugh

While O2's call centre staff were congratulating themselves on a day of no complaints on Wednesday - just why was no-one phoning? - the company's social media people were working overtime following its nationwide network outage.

With thousands of customers seething at having no signal for much of Wednesday and Thursday morning, it was the responsibility of the @O2 in the UK Twitter account to appease their anger.

The Emirates Air Line and a man named Clarence

"And of course, these are the same cranes lowered during Winston Churchill's funeral…

"…and look, quickly now, jees - I said quickly. Over there! North-east, north-east! - you can see the intricacy of the Lee Valley navigation system."

At the front line of the battle against lads on tour

Bare-breasted Amsterdam androgynous types deploy their secret weapon against the many and uniformly-dressed units of stag parties and lads on tour.

Their guerrilla tactics may be working - according to a poll last month by TheKnot.com, 61 per cent of brides-to-be claim their fiancés are opting for "low-key" bachelor parties instead of flying to the continent in willy-and-bum shorts.