I’m so excited about Sunday’s final that I’ve taken to Photoshop to make a World Cup quiz. The premise is thus: scroll down and look at the 23 pretty pictures. Each one represents a nation that qualified for Brazil. The first person to correctly identify them all wins a Mini Milk and a holiday from Indigo East. Come on England!
Friday, 11 July 2014
Friday, 28 March 2014
I went to Tamil Nadu and this is what happened...
And the wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round. And the wheels on the bus go round and round, all day long. As apt and profound as these lyrics are, they only describe 75% of the journey from Munnar to Madurai, for the wheels also jerked up and down, up and down, all day long, such are the potholes on the thrilling-but-Jesus-Christ-that’s-a-steep-drop Western Ghats roads. And as uncomfortable and terrifying as this was, the jerkiness massaged my back better than any Ayurveda specialist could. The moral of this incredible story, then, is to save your hard-earned rupees by shunning the spa in favour of travelling on local rattletraps, which will (eventually) refresh and rejuvenate with the added bonus of getting you somewhere you need to be. The downside is that you’ll be contributing to the decline and subsequent extinction of a traditional millennia-old medicinal practice; a reason to visit south India in itself. Still, swings and roundabouts.
Labels:
India,
Madurai,
Mahabalipuram,
Pondicherry,
Tamil Nadu,
Tanjore
Sunday, 23 February 2014
I went to Varkala, Alleppey and Munnar and this is what happened...
Saturday 15th - Sunday 16th February
I’m becoming rather partial to travelling alone on Indian local buses, primarily because it puts me in point-blank proximity with people and situations I fundamentally do not understand. It’s essentially like being three-years-old, when everything is new and entertaining but you’ve got no real idea what’s going on or what people are saying. And then you fall asleep. This morning’s journey from Cochin to Kollam followed this exact pattern - half-an-hour in an elderly lady boards and sits herself down (that’s right readers, we’re rolling in the present tense; hold on to your hats). Seconds later, she stands up and starts shouting in Malayalam at a seemingly random man a few seats across. He ignores her and retains a nonchalant expression. Frustrated by his lack of response, the orthodontically-challenged woman starts gesticulating and upping the decibel levels. It’s becoming a little awkward - maybe this man has done something unspeakable? He quite rightly makes the decision to stand up and move to another seat a few rows back, at which point the woman directs her attention at someone else. Her anger is making me claustrophobic. She catches a whiff of my fear and she likes it; another trapped victim lies helplessly in wait, somewhere in front of these cataracts. Like Chucky off of Child’s Play, her neck turns mechanically until her eyes meet mine (she thinks - thank you cataracts #LOLLE), at which point I realise her diatribe is arbitrarily directed towards me. Resisting the need to hold the hand of the man next to me, I instead turn to offer him a nervous smile, which he interprets as: “Oh, you find this funny too! I thought you were about to shit yourself. But your facial expression now suggests otherwise! Ha ha ha!” Or words to that effect. In Malayalam. He proceeds to slap the back of the man next to him, repeating his assertion that I think the whole thing is hilarious, at which point they both start belly-laughing before five others join in for good measure. Feeling left out despite unwittingly initiating the hilarity, I half-heartedly laugh along with them, seemingly prompting angry woman to sit down and shut up, which makes me comfortable enough to fall asleep. I have no idea what just happened.Friday, 14 February 2014
I went to Cochin and Guruvayur and this is what happened...
Tuesday 11th February
5:30 am: Beep beep beep BEEP BEEP beep beep beep. The mind’s response: Goooood morning! You have served your time in the cottage, my friend. It’s time to leave Ooty. Pack your things and let’s get out of here! Yipeee! The body’s: I am very tired. It is five degrees outside and pitch black. And despite those suspicious-looking stains, this blanket feels rather cosy, doesn’t it? You don’t really care about the stains, do you? You’re disgusting. But you’re also comfortable. So very comfortable. So shut the hell up and go back to sleep. When you do, that annoyingly chirpy mind of yours will take you wherever you want to go: a spring meadow with bunny rabbits; a chocolate factory without Oompa-Loompas; maybe even somewhere less innocent like, um, Carol Vorderman’s cockpit.
Labels:
Carol Vorderman,
Fort Cochin,
Guruvayur,
India,
Kochi,
Ooty
Wednesday, 12 February 2014
I went to Coorg, Kannur, Mysore and Ooty (phew) and this is what happened…
Wednesday 5th - Thursday 6th February
It’s never a nice feeling when your taxi doesn’t turn up, and by the time I flagged a rickshaw to take me to Bangalore station I wasn’t particularly confident about making my 11:30 train to Mysore Junction, which sounds like it should be a marvellous euphemism. Fortunately, I was gifted a fearless driver who promised to get me there on time; an obligation fulfilled thanks to manoeuvres that in other countries would have landed him with a prison sentence. In India, it meant an extra 50 rupees.Saturday, 8 February 2014
I went to Hampi and Bangalore and this is what happened...
Thursday 30th January
The eagle-eyed pedants among you will notice that I’m now using dates rather than days. The reason is simple: I’m so awful at maths that even basic sequential patterns baffle me, to the extent that I was unintentionally adding days that hadn’t happened, a reoccurring mistake that threatened to get out of control.Wednesday, 29 January 2014
I went to Goa and this is what happened...
Days 9-11
August 2008: Gordon Brown was fumbling around the prime minister’s office, the English football team were halfway through their four-year hiatus from tournament football, and I was enjoying that lovely little window between graduating and getting a proper job. So I decided to travel to Goa, oblivious to the fact it was the height of the monsoon. On arrival in the sleepy little fishing village/seasonal resort town of Benaulim I realised why it was so quiet, save for the relentless thudding of golf ball-sized drops of rain. The beach resembled coastal Norfolk after a period of chronic global warming, complete with packs of stray dogs. There wasn’t an orgy enthusiast-populated tepee in sight. It was massively disappointing.Wednesday, 22 January 2014
I went to the Konkan coast and this is what happened...
Day 5
The journey to Murud, a little-known destination on the Maharashtran coast around 150 kilometres south of Mumbai, took approximately six hours - not necessarily because the roads are shite, but because there’s a lot to take in en route. Once we had escaped Mumbai’s urban sprawl and the subsequent land of the shipping containers, the ‘real’ India started to appear. And very nice it was too - steep forested hills, colourful villages and glimpses of the Konkan railway, one of India’s most aesthetically-pleasing lines. And about five miles from Murud the first palm trees started appearing; always a good sign for the beach-hungry traveller.Monday, 20 January 2014
I went to Mumbai and this is what happened...
Day 1
When I woke up this morning I didn’t expect to be treated to a display from the Indian Army’s bomb disposal team. Then again, I didn’t actually sleep – I spent most of the evening sitting in extremely close proximity to a spellbound elderly Indian gentlemen; the object of his tactile awe being the mid-90s Casio watch around his wrist, or more specifically its relentlessly piercing beep. At this point I should mention that the pair of us were sitting down with a few hundred other people on a plane flying to Mumbai from London. He didn’t say a word to me during the eight hours, not even when I borrowed his pen to complete my landing slip. Now there’s a snippet of detail that will live in your memory forever.Thursday, 9 January 2014
I'm going to Cumbum
On Monday evening I’ll be embarking on a voyage of discovery, flying east from London to Mumbai. The plan was to explore the sights of one of the world’s most fascinating countries, but after a few minutes on Google Maps I thought it better to instead visit places with funny names. And I’m delighted to reveal my first two destinations: Cumbum and Wankaner. Don’t they sound devine?
Sunday, 16 June 2013
Kelis, sledging and Iceland's unpronounceable volcano
Clambering aboard a sledge in the middle of June and sliding down an icecap while listening to Kelis: an activity worthy of gracing anyone's bucket list. Apart from Kelis's, perhaps. Or Bjork's. Welcome to Iceland.
So surreally brilliant was this experience that it surely pushes the northern lights, waterfall gawping and Brennivin gulping under the midnight sun as one of this weirdly beautiful north Atlantic island's highlights. That it took place on the summit of Eyjafjallajökull, the impossible-to-pronounce volcano which spouted ash across most of Europe in 2010, made it all the more memorable.
Monday, 10 June 2013
A slightly cynical Sri Lanka travel guide
Lonely Planet named it the top country to visit in 2013, Rick Stein told us to "go there because the curries are so good, the beaches are so unspoiled and the countryside will charm you" and, much to my chagrin, Lorraine Pascale would be visiting at exactly the same time as me. If only I had known while I was there, sigh.
But Sri Lanka, despite being 'back on the map' following decades of civil war, is a country that continues to divide travellers' opinions. In February I spoke to Simon Calder, The Independent's travel editor, who claimed he "couldn't see anything much transformed". Meanwhile, former UN spokesman in Sri Lanka Gordon Weiss warned that the country is "sliding into tyranny", such is the power and ubiquitous presence of its controversial president, Mahinda Rajapaksa.
Labels:
Colombo,
Galle,
guide,
Hill Country,
Kandy,
Negombo,
Sri Lanka,
Tangalla,
travel,
Yala National Park
Sunday, 21 April 2013
London Marathon 2013: The Mad Hatter and other characters
This isn't a nightmare. This is happening. The Mad Hatter is hurtling towards you with the likely intent of your kidnap and subsequent smuggling to Wonderland. Fortunately, you just so happen to have a vuvuzela on your person - so you blow it in his face and hope he goes away. Which he does; completing the marathon in a respectable four-and-a-half hours.
The above happened at today's 2013 London Marathon. As did the other stuff below, some of which is arguably more terrifying.
Tuesday, 12 March 2013
Robert Macfarlane on walking, writing and judging the 2013 Man Booker Prize
Imagine putting your coat on, opening the front door, closing it behind you and turning the key (you may not have to imagine the last bit if you have a door that locks itself, in which case I deeply envy you). You begin strolling along the pavement to a little field path and decide to keep on walking - the sun is shining and there's only so much of Tim Wonnacott a man can take, so why not? It proves a wise decision, because eventually you end up in Spain, the West Bank and the Himalayas, rambling to your heart's content and meeting lots of lovely people en route. When you arrive back home five years later, you decide to write a book not simply on the journey per se, but on landscape's influence on the human condition.
It may sound like a collective fantasy of the red sock brigade, but the above project belongs to author and Cambridge English lecturer Robert Macfarlane, whose 1,500-mile perambulation is documented in his most recent book, The Old Ways: A Journey on Foot. I sat down with the man himself to talk about walking, writing and being on the judging panel of the 2013 Man Booker Prize, two out of three of which I have direct experience of. No, that's right, I'm not much of a walker.
Saturday, 23 February 2013
Travis Elborough on London Bridge in America: The Tall Story of a Transatlantic Crossing
I sat down for a chat with the lovely Travis Elborough,
author of London Bridge in America: The Tall Story of a Transatlantic Crossing,
to talk about one the most bizarre chapters in Anglo-American history: the upheaval and subsequent plonking of London Bridge in the Arizonan desert.
The London Bridges of old were famous for involuntarily falling down, but in 1968 the one built in 1831 - a far sturdier structure than its predecessors - was voluntarily dismantled, brick by brick, and transported to the Arizonan desert, where it was rebuilt for the benefit of holidaying Americans.
Tuesday, 5 February 2013
Shard: View from the top
At 309m it's the tallest building in Europe (by tallest in Europe I mean western Europe, and by tallest I mean second-tallest after the 324m Eiffel Tower; though that's not technically a building because it's a structure, right? But if we were to include creations like Gustave Eiffel's, the Shard, which opened to the public last Friday, is only the 10th-tallest construction in the UK, let alone the continent - a full 55 metres shorter than that most celebrated of north-west landmarks, the Skelton Mast in Cumbria), and last night I decided to take the two kaleidoscopic lifts up to the Shard's Level 68. Despite the many and varied fingerprints, Brylcreem streaks and camera flashes, I managed to take the following slightly-too-grainy images thanks to a whopping great ISO setting. If you don't know what that means, move along; you're not wanted here.
Sunday, 27 January 2013
Michael Lee Johnson's on foot to freedom: Walking from Beijing to London
Imagine clambering aboard an aeroplane in London bound for Beijing. In just ten-and-a-half hours, your jet-propelled metal cocoon will have carried you more than 5,000 miles en route to the Chinese capital. Now imagine bedding down for the night, awakening bright and early the next morning, lacing up the walking boots and strolling back home to the UK, alone and unaided, through some of the most volatile countries on the planet (Belgium in January; a nasty, nasty business, let me tell you), and minus the crow's advantage of travelling the most direct route. So, add another 4,000 miles onto the 5,000, slow down the average speed from 450 mph to four, and you're looking at a journey that will take three to five years to complete. Yes, the margin for error is as great as a hamster's life, a simile that achieves precisely the opposite effect I intended.
Labels:
Beijing,
London,
Michael Lee Johnson,
On Foot to Freedom,
walk
Friday, 18 January 2013
Snow in London: Slightly clichéd photographs
Occasionally, the mercury plummets to such depths that it becomes too cold to snow. Which is, of course, absolutely untrue - the people spouting such myths clearly haven't roamed the snowy wastelands of the Arctic or Antarctic. I digress. It 'felt' a positively polar minus 7 degrees C in London today, and the snow-clogged clouds dutifully deposited their fluffy white contents over the capital's streets as I was plodding around during my lunch hour. So naturally I joined in with everybody else struggling with their camera's exposure and white balance settings to take the following slightly clichéd photographs. Ka-boom:
Thursday, 27 December 2012
The Amsterdam Cat Museum and other tails
If there's one thing that's defined my 2012, it's cats.
There have literally been litter loads of them. So it seemed fitting to cap off
the year by heading to Amsterdam - a city that puts up its stray moggies in a
glorious houseboat. But even
more endearing is the surreal Kattenkabinet - a museum that celebrates man's ability
to fashion feline-themed pinball machines, porcelain paperweights and zoomorphised
mannequins - futile, time-consuming and expensive endeavours, but endeavours
born of the power of love. The results are charming, unfathomable and
please-let-me-out-of-here-oh-no-I-can't-find-the-exit creepy. As Borat Sagdiyev
once said; entry, please, as I reveal four hand-picked highlights:
Sunday, 2 December 2012
An interview with Michael Palin
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