An interview with Peter Schmeichel

He's 8' 7", weighs 25 stone and shot to fame while trying to catch fast-moving balls in the 1990s.

That's right - it's Denmark's famous honorary Mancunian and ex Premier League superstar goalkeeper Peter Schmeichel, and I was lucky enough to have a Google Hangout with the man himself (and a few others, ahem) ahead of the Premier League's return this weekend.

Here's what he had to say:

Euro 2012 EuroCast: England vs Sweden

FootballFanCast.com's Tom Skinner got in touch to ask if I'd like to sit down and talk all things Euro 2012 ahead of England's clash with Sweden.

I say all things Euro 2012; more third-choice goalkeepers, fictional crisps and deceased sporting stars Sue Barker once spoke to.

Cheltenham vs Crewe, League 2 Play-Off Final: An alternative view

"PARA! PARA! PARADISE! WHOA-OH-OH OH-OOH OH-HO-HO!"

Never before have the words 'Crewe' (a railway town within the unitary authority area of Cheshire East) and 'paradise' (a place in which existence is positive, peaceful and timeless) existed harmoniously.

Rudy: 'Worms! I just 8-1! Hahaha!'

Eagle-eyed readers may notice there's no picture credit this week - which means I must have dusted down the long-neglected camera, exercised the shutter and experimented with aperture openings. That's what spring does to us - the excitement sends us ker-razy. Just ask the Robin, nicknamed Rudy by my housemate, who does not shut up when the sun shines upon his teeny weeny worm-accommodating beak.

But this blog ain't about Rudy. He is a metaphor, you see, albeit a slightly tenuous one. Allow me to explain. Rudy is a Robin, right? So far, so good. And he's singing, yeah? Like football fans do, normally when they're having fun and not at the windswept Kassam Stadium in January chewing on an icy conglomeration of beefy entrails. The Robins, it just so happens, is the nickname of the football team I love - Cheltenham Town (which, if you're one of my longer-term followers, you know already). Only the Saturday before last, us Cheltenham fans weren't singing. We had lost 8-1 to Crewe Alexandra.

Driver #12850

Saturday, January 29th and a trip to Oxford United's soulless, three-sided Ikea-esque excuse for a ground; the Kassam Stadium. It really is awful - windswept, exposed and utterly devoid of character. Still, us Cheltonians forgot all that - and the Arctic conditions - when super Wesley Thomas scored from a sublime lob to give us the lead.

Incidentally - super, I'm pretty sure, is the only adjective that's solely the preserve of football fans (possibly commentators, too) and uber camp males.

Bovril at the Hamlet

Having been devoid of inspiration for four months and eight days, I have returned to the blogosphere in emphatic style; influenced by 158 people at Dulwich Hamlet FC on an uncomfortably chilly November evening.

Without an in-person football fix since Cheltenham Town's cagey 1-0 win over Liverpool-conquerors Northampton in October, I opted for a trip to my new local team - albeit after much consideration; Dulwich play in pink and purple, for crying out loud. It's just not a good look. Oh, and they play in the Ryman League Division One South.

ES-PAN-YA

So, Spain won the World Cup - and I was in Spain! Which was great, apart from I was in a resort called Puerto Pollensa in Mallorca, so it wasn't really España at all. More Basildon/Glasgow (judging by the accents, which were two separate ones, not some Essex-Glaswegian hybrid, although that is something I would like to hear).

A guy in the bar around the corner asked me how I was finding the Spanish commentary. Trouble was, I was watching the game in the main square, Placa Capllonch, which had big screens with shaky pictures of BBC1's coverage. So instead of some exuberant Spanish commentator shouting "GOOOOOOL" in ecstasy, I had Guy Mowbray, who to his credit tried to sound excited during Iniesta's late winner, only to be undermined by Mark Lawrenson: "Yeah, well errr, well done Cesc Fabregas."

The world's greatest ever footballing comeback

I'm usually hesitant to start a football-related blog because the beautiful game is the most over-analysed topic on the planet. And, what with my proud heritage, I'm only ever going to write about Cheltenham Town FC.

Though it pains me to say it, the Robins' performances aren't exactly going to inspire the masses into a considered online debate given the team's lowly Football League position - not to mention that most CTFC fans can't read or write and can only drive a tractor. But that don't really matter 'cos they all come from Cheltenhamshire.

Football Focus puts the cunt in Scunthorpe

The BBC's Football Focus must have been rubbing its hands with glee ahead of today's show. Arguably the smallest team in the Championship, Scunthorpe United, will tackle the silky majesty of Roberto Mancini and his Manchester City team tomorrow in the fourth round of the FA Cup.

Ex Bangor City manager-turned-physio-turned-manager-again Nigel Adkins will lock horns with his more illustrious Italian counterpart in a David vs Goliath clash, blah blah isn't the FA Cup romantic blah blah.

League 2: The struggle begins (again)

This afternoon I parted with a hard-earned £20 note to watch Cheltenham beat Grimsby in the fourth tier of English football: League Two.

Yes, the Football League season has begun - and it's proper football too, no multi-millionaires and shiny hair, but spectacular comebacks from heavy-set titans of men. Julian Alsop, I salute you.