ES-PAN-YA

So, Spain won the World Cup - and I was in Spain! Which was great, apart from I was in a resort called Puerto Pollensa in Mallorca, so it wasn't really España at all. More Basildon/Glasgow (judging by the accents, which were two separate ones, not some Essex-Glaswegian hybrid, although that is something I would like to hear).

A guy in the bar around the corner asked me how I was finding the Spanish commentary. Trouble was, I was watching the game in the main square, Placa Capllonch, which had big screens with shaky pictures of BBC1's coverage. So instead of some exuberant Spanish commentator shouting "GOOOOOOL" in ecstasy, I had Guy Mowbray, who to his credit tried to sound excited during Iniesta's late winner, only to be undermined by Mark Lawrenson: "Yeah, well errr, well done Cesc Fabregas."

Exclusive: Sven-Goran Eriksson's job on the side

Sven-Goran Eriksson is a man of many talents - just ask Faria Alam. Where that 8-inch candle ended up I'll never know.

On Tuesday, the ex-England manager named his provisional Ivory Coast World Cup squad before darting back to England to give David Cameron and Samantha a lift into Downing Street for the first time as prime minister and 'first lady'.

Canvasser etiquette

I did something I probably shouldn't have done yesterday. I called a Labour canvasser a "tosser" to his face on my doorstep. The conversation materialised exactly how I had expected it to:

"Hello, sorry to disturb you on your bank holiday."

London Marathon 2010: Giraffe man

I'm not sure how tall Blackfriars Tunnel is but I imagine this London Marathon competitor would have struggled getting through it yesterday. 

Also - I'm pretty sure the route passes through the tunnel bit of London Wall, which would have been rather problematic for giraffe man. His neck was so tall that my lens couldn't fit it all in.

FarmVille's controversial Bulgarian flag claims first council victim

Plovdiv has earned its second claim to fame of the year. Not content with being visited by Brendan's group of Channel 4 coach trippers, the Bulgarian city has become embroiled in a bitter battle over pixelated farms.

Local councillor Dimitar Kerin was removed from office after becoming addicted to FarmVille, the most popular game on Facebook, according to Bulgarian news agency Novinite.

The world's greatest ever footballing comeback

I'm usually hesitant to start a football-related blog because the beautiful game is the most over-analysed topic on the planet. And, what with my proud heritage, I'm only ever going to write about Cheltenham Town FC.

Though it pains me to say it, the Robins' performances aren't exactly going to inspire the masses into a considered online debate given the team's lowly Football League position - not to mention that most CTFC fans can't read or write and can only drive a tractor. But that don't really matter 'cos they all come from Cheltenhamshire.

London iPod

This is a London iPod - yes, ha ha, a London Eye pod. Ha ha ha. A word of warning - don't call them 'pods' in earshot of the big wheel's staff. They get very offended because they're not pods at all, they're 'capsules'. I made this mistake and tried to laugh it off with an employee but she wasn't having any of it.

After finally forgiving me, she whispered a couple more London Eye-related facts. Did you know, for example, it can be sped up ever so slightly on busy days? And that staff at Merlin Entertainments, the company that manages the London Eye, refer to it as the 'cash cow'? A testament to the wheel's success, perhaps, but can't they knock down the prices a little bit?

February's quote of the month

It was difficult to look past Peter Kay's "what a nobhead" swipe at Liam Gallagher or Charlie Brooker's take on the iPad, but I decided to settle on something a little more heartfelt.


[Incidentally, how do you spell 'nobhead'? This is what most people seem to go with, but the Metro and Yahoo reckon it's 'knobhead'. Some mavericks insert a space between 'nob' or 'knob' and 'head'. I've always assumed 'nob' is penis and 'knob' is strictly left to doors, but who am I to argue one way or the other?]

Vance Miller: A lesson in defence, Scientology style

Selling dodgy kitchens and Scientology are as unrelated as a bottle of Fairy washing up liquid and a Blue-footed Booby.

At least they were until tonight, when Vance Miller, boss of forever-changing-its-name company Maple Industries, had the opportunity to defend his tarnished reputation on BBC1's Rogue Traders.

A feline fable

I've just finished reading a rather good book - Suketu Mehta's Maximum City: Bombay Lost And Found. In it, he refers to this parable told to him by a Gujarati doctor:

"A long time ago, a man was conducting a wedding. A cat was running around the marriage hall, disturbing things. So he tied it to a pillar. Afterwards, generations of the man's family, whenever they had a wedding, found a cat and tied it to one pillar of the hall, believing it to be a required wedding custom."