David Cameron: The all-new 'ministering angel'

Florence Nightingale, the English nurse made famous for her work in the Crimean War, is widely referred to as the Lady with the Lamp. To readers of the Times, however, she was known as the "ministering angel".

"Her slender form glides quietly along each corridor, every poor fellow's face softens with gratitude at the sight of her," the newspaper's Crimean War correspondent said at the time.

Football Focus puts the cunt in Scunthorpe

The BBC's Football Focus must have been rubbing its hands with glee ahead of today's show. Arguably the smallest team in the Championship, Scunthorpe United, will tackle the silky majesty of Roberto Mancini and his Manchester City team tomorrow in the fourth round of the FA Cup.

Ex Bangor City manager-turned-physio-turned-manager-again Nigel Adkins will lock horns with his more illustrious Italian counterpart in a David vs Goliath clash, blah blah isn't the FA Cup romantic blah blah.

January's quote of the month

"I was delighted to learn that in Britain today more people are employed in Indian restaurants than in your coal, steel and shipbuilding industries combined. So the empire can strike back."

William Hill snowballs to moral bankruptcy

The white stuff has been falling like snowbody's business, and much merriment it has brought to the little island we inhabit.

Scanning the letters page of my local newspaper, I have been reminded to consider the effects of snow and ice on the elderly and disabled as they go about their daily business - and granted, it must be pretty bloody inconvenient.

Travel chaos blog #2: I've got a new daddy

Too much of my Christmas Eve was spent stuck in Swindon coach station, another depressingly non-descript transport hub full of frustrated festive travellers.

This time it was a coach gearbox to blame - naturally, I took the inconvenience on the chin and tried to get some shut-eye during the delay. Alas, some of my fellow passengers were far more vocal, with their immediate demand being a National Express-paid-for taxi to Cirencester.

Eurostar disruption: Chaos and Kebab Man in Calais

Cross-channel holidaymakers became condensation-inflicted refugees last weekend after the suspension of Eurostar services between London and Paris, and I was unfortunate enough to be one of them.

I wasn't among the sorry few to be stranded in the Channel Tunnel for 16 hours without heating, food or water - but I did, like thousands of others, try to get back to London by boarding a ferry in Calais.

Collective bum-wiping: Manchester to Singapore

Something startling occurred to me this morning during the usual work routine. I was writing a story about Manchester Airport, or more specifically, its toilets.

They are officially the best in Britain. At least, according to a slightly ambiguous and misleading Manchester Airport press release. WCs in Terminals 1 and 2 won five-star ratings from the Loo of the Year Awards, which are recognised by the British Toilet Association. Impressive stuff.

Cafe Churchill, Whitehall

Today I paid a miserable visit to Cafe Churchill on Parliament Street in Whitehall. It is so awful that I can barely find the words to describe this aggressive little cesspit of an eatery.

The few waiters and single waitress are initally friendly, welcoming and efficient. Then they become pushy and abrupt, asking if you want everything "large" - which is actually 'regular', but it gives them a mandate to charge exorbitant prices for apparently edible produce which is so below par that I'd rather spend my money in Charing Cross McDonald's. After the pubs close on a Friday night. Even a Saturday night.

How Thierry Henry and Tiger Woods saved the world

If I was Roger Federer (and if it wasn't for the eyebrows, I could be), I'd watch out. A curse that began in ad land has beset the real world.

Thierry Henry was the first to succumb to its power. A mild-mannered, highly-respected, definitely-not-a-cheat footballer sent France through to the World Cup Finals by setting up a goal with his hand.

Celebrity chefs

I'm not really sure about the role of celebrity chefs - there didn't seem to be that many around five years ago; now they're everywhere.

Do they exist to teach us how to cook and encourage us to be more adventurous in the kitchen? Or to make us watch in awe and get on the waiting list for their restaurants, safe in the knowledge that we can never be as good as them because we can't afford livestock and don't know where to source Szechuan peppercorns. Or what sauce to put them in.